Should I Change Therapists?
Not every therapist is right for every client.
Let’s be honest – at the start of their work together, all clients look at their new therapist wondering, “Is this the right person to help me?” Perhaps they are a lot older (or younger) than you. You may find their sense of fashion jarring. They might be disconcertingly attractive, or perhaps they remind you of that crazy uncle who everyone in the family talks about?!
You may not be surprised to learn that therapists also ask themselves, “Am I the right person to help this client?” This question is less likely to be prompted by superficial appearances. Instead, the focus of the therapist’s attention will be whether they feel they have the right set of skills to work with that client, given that client’s particular presenting challenges. It may that a new client’s presenting symptoms will be best treated with a specific therapeutic modality that the therapist is not well-versed in. Sometimes there is an intuitive sense that the energy is not right. A good therapist will decline to work with some clients. They know that there is a better fit elsewhere for that person.
Life experience tells us that we get along better with some people rather than others. This may be because we are of similar age, or we share similar values, or perhaps because our personality types are similar and so we naturally click and are able to communicate more easily. Often this is exactly what is needed – having a therapist with whom we can strongly identify, and who exhibits relatable behaviours that will support us as we try to tackle some of life’s challenges. And so, it is great – most of the time – if we sense a natural fit with our therapist.
However, I want to make the point that being on the same wavelength as our therapist is not always what is best for us. People like us may, with the best of intentions, unfortunately simply reinforce the thinking and habits that are holding us back. Sometimes, rather like a reagent in a chemistry lab, it is better for us to work with someone very different from us, who brings a new perspective, a different energy which helps to spark change in us. That might mean working with a therapist who is a lot younger, or older than us, someone who is nothing like us, or whose life experience is utterly different from ours.
It should also be emphasised that discomfort in therapy is important and necessary. A therapist’s job is to hold two processes in balance – to support and encourage on the hand, and to challenge the client on the other. If the therapist only ever offers words of encouragement, and never confronts the client’s self-defeating behaviours, then no progress will be made. A good therapist will regularly challenge their clients, to actively seek to move them forward, to guide them with some focused attention to measurable outcomes. If your sessions are always breezy and light, then that is actually more of a concern than if it feels like a bit of a slog.
This very elaborate preamble leads us to the main question of this article, namely, in what circumstances might it be better for me to stop seeing one therapist, and to start seeing another?
At the foundation of a healthy client-therapist relationship is honesty. A client will save themselves much time and money if they are completely open about their thoughts and feelings, and this extends to discussing the therapeutic relationship itself. If you are struggling with how things are going, then you should raise it in therapy. Try to work out what feels out of kilter, and perhaps your therapist will sense it too.
It may be that what you are feeling is the discomfort that comes from resisting the changes that you know that you need to make in your life. If that is the case, then don’t shoot the messenger who is only trying to help you.
Another pattern that we sometimes see is that a particular therapist has fulfilled their part in the client’s life, and that for the next challenge, someone new is needed. This is no admission of defeat, but rather an acknowledgement that change is an inherent part of life, and that what we need today may well be very different from what we needed in the past.
Notwithstanding all of the above, the reality is that sometimes the momentum goes out of the therapeutic relationship, and a change is for the best. Remember always that this is your life journey, not your therapist’s. Ultimately you have control over these decisions. For some clients, it might even be part of learning to assert their new sense of self to initiate a break from a longstanding therapeutic relationship that has become unproductive.
Sometimes therapists will be the party to initiate the termination of treatment. They may say something along the lines of, “I think our time working together is naturally coming to a close.” It may be that they feel you no longer need a therapist – that good work has been done and you are well on course now without needing their continuing emotional support. If on the other hand they feel that there is a blockage to working well together, hopefully they will explain what that is, and give you some guidance about next steps in your treatment.
If you’d like to start a new chapter with your treatment, we’d love to hear from you.
Rod Berry
Copyright 2026